My visit to get screened for cancer:

  • Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
  • Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
  • Nurse: "So he's your...."
  • Me: "Friend."
  • Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
  • Me: "11."
  • Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
  • Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
  • Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
  • Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
  • Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
  • Me: "Uh. 0."
  • Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
  • Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
  • Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
  • Me: "With homosexuality."
  • Nurse:
  • Me:
  • Nurse:
  • Me: "I fuck girls."

Source: misanthropic-librarian

animalstalkinginallcaps: HEY, WE WERE WONDERING IF YOU’D LIKE TO- JOIN OUR GANG OR DIE. JUST BE IN OUR GANG, ACTUALLY. WE NEED- TOUGH-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS WILLING TO POP OFF AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE. SOMEONE TO WEAR THE GREEN HOODIE, IS WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. IT’S NOT LIKE, FOREST GREEN, OBVI. WE’RE MORE OF A BRIGHT PASTEL- BUNCH OF HARDCORE GANGSTERS DOING HARDCORE GANGSTER SHIT. WE MOSTLY JUST GET PINKBERRY AND THEN HANG OUT ON THE PARK.  WORD. THE SCULPTURE GARDEN DOWN BY THE RIVER IS BEAUTIFUL IN THE FALL. ESPECIALLY WITH THAT NICE-ASS SUNLIGHT ALL REFLECTING OFF THE WATER AND SHIT. TODD’S TRYING TO TOUGHEN UP OUR IMAGE. HE THINKS WE’RE A LITTLE ‘SOFT’. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. A NICE CHARTREUSE GREEN WOULD GO GREAT WITH YOUR HAIR. HONESTLY, IT REALLY WOULD.
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animalstalkinginallcaps:

HEY, WE WERE WONDERING IF YOU’D LIKE TO-

JOIN OUR GANG OR DIE.

JUST BE IN OUR GANG, ACTUALLY. WE NEED-

TOUGH-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS WILLING TO POP OFF AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE.

SOMEONE TO WEAR THE GREEN HOODIE, IS WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. IT’S NOT LIKE, FOREST GREEN, OBVI. WE’RE MORE OF A BRIGHT PASTEL-

BUNCH OF HARDCORE GANGSTERS DOING HARDCORE GANGSTER SHIT.

WE MOSTLY JUST GET PINKBERRY AND THEN HANG OUT ON THE PARK. 

WORD. THE SCULPTURE GARDEN DOWN BY THE RIVER IS BEAUTIFUL IN THE FALL. ESPECIALLY WITH THAT NICE-ASS SUNLIGHT ALL REFLECTING OFF THE WATER AND SHIT.

TODD’S TRYING TO TOUGHEN UP OUR IMAGE. HE THINKS WE’RE A LITTLE ‘SOFT’.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

A NICE CHARTREUSE GREEN WOULD GO GREAT WITH YOUR HAIR.

HONESTLY, IT REALLY WOULD.

comicallyvariant:

wilwheaton:

inkytasty:

thefrogman:

[Octopus via DaugaardDK]

This is worth taking up a little dashboard room. *hugs the octopus*

The Octopus hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, and hugs you back.

(via comicallyvariant-deactivated201)

Source: thefrogman